Dragoncastle's Gay Asia - Gay Thailand's Leading Website

GAY life in Thailand is much like gay life in many other countries, with many of the same problems and rewards. One significant aspect is the problem of finding a sincere and reliable partner, due to the nature of the gay scene.

Dragoncastle recently ventured out into the busy streets of Bangkok to find out what the "gay in the street" thinks about his gay lifestyle.

Ched

Ched is a 30 year old restaurant supervisor from Nonthaburi province (just north of Bangkok). He is a guy who takes both his responsibilities and his life seriously, but also knows how to really enjoy himself when he's relaxing with his friends.

When asked what he thought about gay life he commented: "Its a very free lifestyle with no hassles, but I only think about today and tomorrow. I have a feeling that my future is a bit dark; I'll be a lonely guy. When you work in a gay place, people don't trust you; they think everyone must be a money boy."

This is a problem for the ordinary gay guy who works in a gay area like Silom. When there are so many guys on the make that it is easy to assume that everyone is. That makes life difficult for those honest, decent guys just trying to make a living.

Is Ched happy being gay? The answer seems to show that perhaps he's not. "I might be happier if I was straight with a family to take care of. But I'm not."

"There's nothing special about being gay," he replied, when asked what he thought was the best thing about being gay.

The worst aspect of gay life was the problem of relationships, he said. "It is too easy for guys to split up; the temptations are too great and its too easy for some guys to play around. That means you can't trust each other. I'd like to have a really serious, monogamous relationship with a guy who really loves me and who I can really love."

Ched, despite his cynicism about gay life, does like to go to gay bars and discos sometimes. "Because I'm still young and like to have a good time with my friends."

Many young Thais aspire to live abroad, but when the idea was put to Ched it revealed that his commitments are more important to him. "I have to think about my family and friends first; I wouldn't leave them. But, I would like to take a holiday in a place like Canada, which sounds like a clean, cool and beautiful country."

Ched feels that gay life is not ideal; but he is still gay. So the question arose, what kind of men does Ched like? "I know what I like to look at, but what's in a guy's head and heart are more important. I don't like guys who are rich or throw their money around. And handsome guys are not always the nicest of guys. One of the best people I've ever met was a German guy who had very little money and wasn't that good looking, but I think about him a lot."

Daeng

Daeng is a 39 year old company director, originally from Chomphun province in southern Thailand. He has been in Bangkok for more than 20 years and is outwardly very happy, but a tragic loss has affected him deeply.

What is Daeng's opinion of gay life? "Fun! Good fun, when you don't need love," he said. "But when you need a boyfriend life can be hard."

And is he happy being gay? "Of course!" he quipped with a wicked smile. "The best thing about gay life is the freedom, having an open mind. And you don't have to keep it a secret as people accept gays. It was much more difficult when I was younger, especially with my father who couldn't accept it at all."

Every gay man encounters problems during their life and Daeng thinks one of the the worst aspects is being alone. "When I have a problem, I don't know who I can talk to. It can be quite hard."

Daeng is one of many migrants to the big city. He came to Bangkok from his southern home about 20 years ago to study fashion and to find work. "Something I couldn't have done in my home town," he noted.

"A good head and a good heart." Daeng said of what he is looking for in a man. "Not ugly but he doesn't have to be so handsome. I like older farangs, but not fat guys. Someone who doesn't lie to me and is well behaved."

Although Daeng often has a quick drink in a gay pub, he prefers the company of his friends for a fun night out, wherever it might be. "I don't stay out so late. Eating with my friends or shopping is fun. Sex is so easy sometimes it can be boring - except with a special guy!"

Ek is an 18 year old language student born in Bangkok. He currently lives with his parents but lives a very open gay life which he says he enjoys very much, although he admits to prefer being a bit of a loner.

"I think gay life is exciting and interesting" Ek commented. "Being gay means I'm not 100% a man and not the same as straight men. Its a good lifestyle. Women tend to understand us better than straight men, and ordinary people are quite accepting of gays now, not like before."

If he enjoying his life as a gay man? "Yes, I enjoy my life very much, although gay people aren't perfect. We want love just like other people but we can't love just any man, as he has to be gay too."

For Ek, the best part of gay life is that it is more interesting than other lifestyles. "And gays are talented in many ways that other people aren't," he added.

"Gay men have many problems with their love lives," he said of the drawbacks to being gay. "Sometimes they get bored with each other and it is so easy to play around with other guys. And Katoeys have the biggest problems of all, especially once they've had the operation. Life can be very hard and lonely for them."

While gay life is often very sociable, not everyone wants to spend their time on the scene or even with friends. Many gays seek solitude and Ek numbers himself amongst them.

"I prefer to go shopping or see a movie on my own. When I'm alone I'm free to do what I want, when I want. If I had a real boyfriend that I really loved, then I would enjoy spending some time with him. But, what satisfies me most is going to the temple to make merit. I hope this will help me to have a better life next time."

Despite being a loner, Ek, like any gay man, has his preferences when it comes to men. "I like someone older than me because he knows more than me and can teach me things and take care of me. Of course he has to be gay so we understand each other. He doesn't have to be rich or good looking, as long as he's presentable and has a good heart and a good mind. But I'm shy, and would like the other guy to talk to me first."

Touy

Touy is a 23 year old from Nong Khai province, in the north-east of Thailand, who recently started work as a cashier in a gay pub. He's a quiet guy who enjoys nature and the countryside more than the bars and clubs of Bangkok.

Touy says that he is generally satisfied with his life: "Sometimes I'm very happy, but sometimes I'm not when I have some problem with a guy," he added. "I think I'm happy being gay as I have a lot of friends I can have fun with, but sometimes there are drawbacks..."

And for Touy what's the best part of gay life? "Having fun with my friends. chatting and letting our hair down, that's the best thing, more than sex. Sex is important but mutual understanding is more important," he said.

What about the negative aspects? "Being lonely, having no friends or boyfriend; being alone. That can be awful."

Although gay, Touy is not into the gay scene very much; "I like to see my friends, go to a movie, or go to the beach or countryside more than go to bars or discos, although I do go once in a while."

Many people from Thailand's provinces move to Bangkok in search of a better life and Touy came from his home town about two years ago. "The pay in Nong Khai is not very good in any job. Bangkok has more opportunities, whether you're gay or not. You can get a better job with more money, and sometimes you can get a better education here too," he explained.

As for living abroad, Touy doesn't see it as that important. "I'd like to live in Germany maybe, but if I had a boyfriend I think it doesn't matter where we live, Thailand or Germany, as long as we can take care of each other."

He describes himself as a shy guy and prefers the other guy to make the first move. He would feel uncomfortable speaking first, but if a guy smiles at him, Touy would smile back and hope that the guy would talk to him. "I like a guy over 30, a farang, clean, polite and smart. But I have to get to know a guy before anything can happen," he pointed out.

And...

It seems that these four men, and many millions like them, are all in the same boat; seeking love from an honest, dependable, reliable and loving man.

Finding Mr Right is going to be a long and painful process, but we wish them happiness, and success in their quest for real love.